the girl who lived

I know this person.
She facinates me.
We're pretty close. We get eachother in some weird way. She represents a big idea.

But even though we're good friends, I often find myself looking at her from a strangers perspective. Analyzing her.

No one person has ever interested me more.

She has been through it all. 

So at first I though it was her strength, her resilience. The fact that when you look into her soft blue eyes, you see everything that has been, and the grace that has got her through.

But that wasn't it.

Maybe it's fact that I can't read her, like I can most people.

One minute I understand. The next its like I'm meeting her for the first time. At first it was frustrating, confusing. Now it makes sense. 

Maybe it's because unlike anyone I've ever met, she knows she is. to a T. She's been there. She's figured it out. She's hit dead ends, made choices at intersections, done u-turns. Its like she's got a map, and can see straight through people, straight through situations. Then makes executive judgements on where they fit in her life. She'd probably beg to differ. Once again proving my previous point.

Maybe it's the fact that I've never been more understood by anyone before. She looks at me, and I know she sees everything. She understands everything. Its a mixture of fear and reassurance, relief and wonder. I want to ask her how. Ask her why. But I'll never understand, and perhaps don't want to.

Maybe its her courage. I wholeheartedly believe that no-matter how close to her, no one will ever know what she carries. know her heart. how through the storm she can still have her eyes fixed on the cross. how everyday she gets up, puts on her armor, picks up her weapons and hits her day head on. how she faces the dark and fights demons. as her job, as her calling, as her life.  how, after everything- she is the most worthy person I know of living a life of luxury and comfort, but instead chooses to live for a greater cause.

Or maybe its the fact that even with her being 654 kilometres away, no-one else is a bigger part of my day to day life than her. No-one (except Jesus- der) has had a bigger impact in shaping my decisions my identity, or my life. I don't know why. I don't understand a lot. But maybe I'm not meant to.

Or maybe its all these things together.

The fact that instead of being called my friend, a sister-figure, a mentor, a leader- she's instead, just an incredible person in my life. When i'm around her, I feel as if i'm a little closer to understanding our purpose here on earth. thats it not about the day to day gear. its not about the dramas, or even the discoveries.

its about the people. the relationships. the friendships. the love. but most of all its about jesus. he's the only thing that makes sense in this crazy world. above all she's taught me that. everything she's done in my life has said "let your fist come undone. please carry love. the devil's arms are tight, but the war that we're fighting has already been won."

there is not a day that goes by where i don't take a moment and go "wow. i'm so lucky to have one of those people in my life"

those people that make you question everything you know, open your eyes to a new idea, that inspire you to keep going, that make you heart light, that bring something unexplainable to your life-

just by being in it.

if i could say anything. i'd say thankyou.